"Zeyde" is the Yiddish word for grandfather and according to Leo Rosten, zeyde is best defined as " the press agent for his grandchildren."
So it was that zeyde took me on not just as his favorite grandkid but as a treasured client.
My grandfather was known around town as the tall "Mondle" although his name was Louis Mandel. There was another Mandel in Paterson; he was the short red-faced "Mondle" The two were never mixed up but they were friends and hung out at the Jersey Verein club on Main Street in Paterson. There the guys played pinochle and had a few schnapps. The club was a cozy wood paneled suite furnished with card tables and one great pool table on which I was permitted to try my hand while waiting for grandpa to take me home. The card players would look over at my imitation of a pool hustler and wink and tease Mondle about his kid the shark at the table , all form, no skill. Remember, I was all of eight at the time and had just come off acing a Sanford-Binet test scoring the IQ of a thirteen year old. Grandpa made this result known to all who would listen. And so in my grandfather’s inner and outer circle I was looked upon as some kind of boy genius. Living up to the hype gave me headaches, but in no way would I ever want to disappoint my beloved press agent.
Zeyde was a distinguished looking six footer with wavy, silvery gray hair. He was always nattily dressed and though his suits were not bespoke, his look was impeccable and his attire gave off-the-rack a good name. In summer he always wore a straw boater, not so much to protect from the sun but to appear fashionable. He delighted in telling me of the time he attended a Yankee game and Babe Ruth hit a home run. In the ensuing excitement someone tossed his hat on to the field. He was not upset because the thrill of seeing the Babe come through was worth it. I wonder what zeyde would think if he knew that his favorite "einekle" (grandchild) became a diehard Boston Red Sox fan. His class extended even to the cigarettes he smoked, Helmar, an oval shaped brand of strong Turkish tobacco which came in an attractive, colorful package that featured a white silhouette of a queen bracketed by stunning graphics of a Middle East origin. The Helmar box is now a collectible and can be purchased on e-bay. Zeyde saved the Helmar boxes for me and I used them for storing stamps, coins, marbles, etc. Kids love boxes and were forever cadging them from grocery stores,(cheese boxes were at a premium), candy stores, hardware stores and crazy Benny was known to hit on the undertaker for empty boxes. To this day I can hardly separate myself from boxes and I have stacks of them around the house.
If zeyde was alive he'd be right on line for the IPhone. He loved buying the latest audio equipment. He owned a beautiful console Fada radio with a built-in Victrola on which he played opera records and drove my grandmother nuts. He also was the first in his circle to own a car, a machine they called it then. He bought a Hupmobile, rolled it over on a country road and almost killed his wife and my aunt Anna.
One memorable day he decided it was time I visited New York City. So off we went to the Erie Railroad station in Paterson, up a flight of stairs to await the main line train headed for New York. With a roar reminiscent of a clap of thunder, that huge steam engine pulling a half dozen passenger cars created a wind storm, startling and thrilling me at the same time as it pulled into the station. This was not Thomas the Tank Engine. This was the same steamer that hauled the Twentieth Century to Chicago west. What a beauty. Later in life I owned a train set that featured a replica of that engine but was powered not by coal but by a huge key that you had to wind and wind until the engine was ready to ride the rails. That set was the poor relative of the famous Lionel electric trains, but it worked and my thumb grew a lovely callus from winding. Another toy I wish I had kept.
The Erie main line ended at the huge busy railroad yard in Jersey City. Dozens of trains disgorging passengers and waste, hissing and sputtering, I never forgot the tumultous sounds and the noxious smells of that terminal. Now zeyde and I disembarked and hurried a short distance to catch the ferry which would take us to Chambers Street and the subway to midtown Manhattan. The ferry ride was my maiden voyage on water and I've loved travel by ship ever since. Some years later, 1944, I joined the Navy and was a sailor in World War II. First zeyde took me to Macy's, the largest department store in the world. Then to the Empire State Building, the world's tallest building. Now for a little lunch at the amazing Automat. Oh the stories I would relate to my friends in Paterson. There's the one of a new immigrant who went to the Automat on his first day in America where he was seen feeding one nickel after another into the cherry pie slot.
"Are you crazy?" his cousin asked him. "You already have a dozen pieces of pie!"
The greenhorn replied,"What's it to you if I keep winning?"
I settled for one piece of coconut custard pie but what an amazing place. You put coins in a slot and out comes food, hot or cold. Who's behind those slots on the wall, the Wizard of Oz? Zeyde could not have taken me to a more entertaining destination.
When I arrived back in Paterson and tried to describe the trip to my non English speaking bubbe, I told of seeing "yahmen mit menschen" Yiddish for oceans of people. That phrase was widely quoted when recounting the witticisms of my youth.
The next stop was the subway to visit my zeyde's sister Anna in Jamaica Queens. This subway ride was not uneventful. Sitting in a corner of the subway car opposite us sat a young couple making out. They were really going at it hot and heavy. I'm glued to the scene. Suddenly, up jumps zeyde, walks over to the lovers and says, "Stop it; can't you see there's a young boy over there." In shock at the command of this stranger the couple unclinched , just as, in my eyes, things were really getting interesting. In retrospect, this could have been a Bernard Goetz moment. Zeyde just couldn't shake his disciplinarian experience. He once served as a guard in a New Jersey prison.
Anna's son was an aeronautical engineer. Wow, he designs fighter planes for the Air Force. What an important and fascinating job. That''s what I want to be. I later found out that he owned a plumbing supply business. Anyway for a time I began to buy and construct model airplanes." Began" is the operative word here. I started those models, Stinsons, Cessnas, Pipers, etc. and never finished one of them. Too tedious,too delicate a task, and too long to finish. But I seemed to enjoy the process before abandoning that hobby. I didn't know it at the time but, of course I was happy. I was sniffing all that model airplane glue all day.
One Hanukkah the family was gathered at my house to celebrate the holiday. After a sumptuous meal, zeyde left the apartment. We all wondered where he was going. Shortly, he came back with a hugh box, and announced a gift for cousin Florence. The box contained a big beautiful doll and a doll house to match. Everyone applauded and congratulated Florence who was berserk with joy. As the incident was later described, Alvin was standing against the wall, watching all this and tears welling up. Zeyde leaves the room again, and goes out to the hall. By now, Alvin bypassed for a Hanukkah gift, left totally out of the celebration, begins crying uncontrollably. Zeyde seemed to be gone for an interminable time. Party over and Alvin gets zilch. Apparently, all the other guests were in on the joke. Suddenly the door opens and in walks zeyde carrying a hugh carton. He sets it down in front of me. All the others start to giggle as I, still sobbing, begin struggling to open the big box. Out comes this gorgeous junior size pool table with cue sticks and colored, numbered balls, and all the other accesories, exactly like the big table in zeyde's club. I start laughing and can't stop. Then my zeyde comes over and gives me a huge hug and a big kiss. My zeyde came through for me but in his own fashion. After all they called him "Mondle" the big teaser . A major player of practical jokes. To this day my wife thinks that he played a dirty trick on his favorite "einekle" (grandchild) and she holds it against him. Not me. I loved my zeyde and always will.
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